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Reflection
Janine Mills
I pass through the entrance to the tomb. I know the dangers of the catacombs. I have faced them many times before. This time seems no different. My over-confidence proves to be my downfall. I do not see the ceiling fall.
Through the curtain of tears, blood and sweat, a face looms before me. It is an unfamiliar face, but a face I somehow know. It is blurry, yet I can see it clearly. A man's face. A face filled with pain, anger, sorrow, loneliness, and recognition. I blink away the tears and it is gone. Had it really been there?
Before I can sort out the confusion, the pain strikes. A sharp piercing pain strikes in my stomach, my head, everywhere. It is too powerful. It is unbearable. I relax into it and let it pull me into oblivion.
* * *
My eyes open automatically, as if programmed to do so. I know not where I am. My surroundings are indiscernible. My last memory is of pain, of indescribable pain, and of a face. Past that exists nothing. I struggle to remember more, but can not. My thoughts become flooded with the face. My mind is obsessed with it. I notice the pain is gone. I have no feeling of any kind. Nothing. I try to think, to concentrate, but all that comes to mind is this face. This man's face. A strong and handsome face it is, but there is something sinister about it. Do I know the man to whom it belongs? I grow tired of trying to clear my thoughts, of trying to remember. I close my eyes and begin to drift, letting the face lull me into slumber...
It haunts my dreams. It is unpleasant. Mysterious and menacing. I can stand it no longer. I awaken to complete darkness. My eyes are open I know, but I can not see. I am not blind, I hope. I put a hand before my face and do not see it. Before, the face was my surroundings. Now it lurks in the back of my mind, present, but not prominent. It troubles me. I know not why, but it seems so familiar. Why is it there? What does it want from me? Why can I not remember? I battle with my thoughts. I dream again. A dream which is not a dream...
* * *
I stand in a long hallway. I do not know how i came to be there. I am short for breath. A fear I do not feel beats in my heart. A cold hand gripping. A door stands off to my right. It starts to open and I run. I do not look back. I can not control my actions. Some part of me tells me I am fleeing something. I stop and look behind me. The dread becomes intense. The man stops as well and I catch a look of his face. It is him. I do not understand my fear. I freeze, unable to move as he comes towards me, unable to stop the thing aiming straight at me. I see the blood and the gaping hole from which it escapes. I scream in terror as realization hits tenfold.
*
The platform perches precariously over the large room. Thousands upon thousands of children are working. Men patrol. I see weapons on some. A commotion stirs in the rear of the room. A child who had paused to rest is taken out through a door. A gunshot follows. I turn my back on the echo. A procession of people approaches me, blocking off my retreat. He is at the van. He stands tall and proud. I feel no pride for him. A distant coldness settles in my aging bones as his eyes meet mine. My heart feels dead as I stare at the monster I had borne. For he is a monster. Only those close to him knew the true soul behind that cultivated face. I bow as he passes. I know not why. His eyebrow twitches. In surprise? He says something to me. He turns to those below and speaks. The men cheer. The children look more desolate. He pushes me before him. I lose my balance, stumble and almost fall. We leave. He explains his plans. I give my opinion. He slaps me and leaves. I find peace in solitude.
*
Air rushes past deaf ears. I see the water below. Walls of rock surround me. I feel the rush of adrenaline and scream. i hit. The water is cold, dark, deep. I struggle to reach the surface. Fear creeps in. A hand clasps mine and pulls me free. It is him. We are in the cave. He takes me to the fire and gives me a towel, but no clothes. I eat the food he hands me. We do not speak. He stares into the fire. The light reflects in his eyes. His face is completely expressionless. He looks up. Our eyes meet across the fire. Apprehension fills me as I gaze into those eyes. What I see could drown the flames. I foresee the next events. The pain is not at first unbearable. He is most arduous. We end up in the lake. The water becomes deeper. He pulls me under. Before the blackness closes, i ask myself why he bothered.
*
The beach stretches out before my feet. A house stands above me on the cliff. I am alone. I strip and enter the water. It is warm, comforting. I float on my back and let the waves caress me. The sun bathes my face with warmth. I am content. Something stirs in the water beside me. Without opening my eyes I know it is him. He disturbs the peaceful caress of the waves and takes his turn. Restless and untamed. I fight to no effect. His need overpowers me. I feel nothing. I retreat to the corners of my mind and let him take me. My duties are fulfilled.
*
Toys surround my child's body. Hundreds of them litter the floor. I am bored. The door opens and he is there. He looks angry. I run to him. He sweeps me up and plants a kiss on my forehead. i giggle with pleasure. he makes me clean away the toys. He places me in the bed and tucks me in. He reads to me a bedtime story and says goodnight. The door closes softly behind him. His presence lingers long after he is gone.
*
Death looms before me. I know no pain, no fear. Eternal peace awaits me. He comes to me. I have but one wish of him. Show his mother at least some respect. He kisses my cheek and smiles. The smile does not touch his eyes. I knew he was no man. He is happy I am dying. I know my request will go unheeded. I only hope my granddaughter will not become like her father, a monster in every way. I turn to embrace the only one I can. Death meets me eagerly.
*
I walk into the operating room. Blood is everywhere. I commence the operation. The transplant goes well. His body accepts the new heart. New blood pumps through old veins. He opens his eyes. I look into them. His thoughts are shielded. I have a strange feeling that I should have let him die.
*
We are in some kind of tomb, exploring. He does not recognize my presence. We pass an old dusty mirror hanging on the wall. Only one man reflects. I stare at the mirror in front of me and see no reflection. It frightens me. I tear my gaze from the mirror and notice he is gone. I search for him. Fear, or anxiety creeps in. I find him at last. He is in danger. The ceiling is crumbling. I shout a warning. He does not hear. The ceiling falls. He is trapped beneath the heavy rock. Blood drips from a wound in his head. It falls in his eyes. i bend over him. I can not help him. He blinks away the red and stares at me in confusion. He sees me. Recognition comes back with memory. I scream and run from him. Blackness falls...
* * *
I awaken. I recognize the face now. I know now who I was. I know now what I was. I know not who or what I will become. The face is going. i can feel it slipping from my thoughts and can not prevent it. I do not try to keep it. I welcome its going. It fades from thought, leaving me finally in peace. I await my sentence.