My Last Night At 604 Kensington (Almost)
By Andrew Figoni
 

I met Lisa in mid-September of my senior year at a friend’s house. It was the night of our home game football victory over Duke and every Navy Football fan was on a tremendous high. Lisa and I instantly hit it off and spent most of the night talking and flirting in the kitchen. When she finally went home in the early morning hours, I walked her to her car, gave her a hug, and received her phone number in return.
 

After graduating from UVA last May, Lisa started her career as a nurse at Johns Hopkins in Baltimore. In an effort to save money for graduate school, she lives at home with her parents in Severna Park. Her father, Douglas, and mother, Barbara, are wonderful people who quickly make any visitor feel as welcome as if he were family. If not for their wonderful sense of humor and infinite patience, Lisa and I would no longer be together.
 

By mid-November Lisa and I had been spending most of our free time together. On one particular Saturday night, we went to a very nice dinner at the Chart House and, as it was still early in the night, we decided to meet her friend Erin downtown for a few drinks. I should mention now that I planned on having a few drinks at the most. My intention was not to end the night intoxicated (which sometimes happens anyway). At this point, however, it was still early and Erin was not going to be out for a few more hours. I called my friend Richard to see what he was doing.
 

He and some other friends were having some drinks at the Fleet Reserve Club in downtown Annapolis, so I told him that I had a few hours to kill and that Lisa and I would meet him there shortly. As sometimes happens in good company, a few beers turned into a few pitchers and by the time we left the Fleet Reserve Club, I was well on my way to a state of glorious intoxication (we still had to meet Erin for a few more drinks).
 

Lisa had to work early the next morning in Baltimore, and I had to be back to school early for duty. Our plan was to go back to her house in Severna Park that night where I would sleep in the guest bedroom. She was going to wake me up at 6 AM when she left for work, so I could drive back to school.

 
I had been to Lisa’s house several times before but had not yet spent the night and so I was unfamiliar with the floor plan of the upstairs. What I now know is that there are four bedrooms and one bathroom. The master bedroom is occupied by Lisa’s parents. Lisa’s older brother’s room is next to hers which is next to the guest bedroom. She showed me the big white bed in the guest room where I was to sleep and then went to the bathroom downstairs to take off her makeup and get ready for bed. I decided that then would be a good time to relieve myself of the excess of beer that I had consumed earlier in the night.
 
Upon walking out of the bathroom (no lights were on at this point), I turned right and found the door to my bedroom. Not thinking anything of the fact that the door was closed, I looked in, found my big white bed and stumbled onto it. I was about halfway up the bed when I heard a very sleepy and very confused woman’s voice ask me, “What the hell are you doing?!”
 
I froze.
 
I panicked.
 
I was straddling my girlfriend’s mother at 1:30 in the morning. Without a word and as quickly as I could, I ran out of the room and straight into the guest bed that I had originally sought.
 
A few minutes later Lisa found me fully clothed (my only consolation was that I had not yet undressed before hopping in bed with her mother) hiding under the covers as she crawled in bed to say goodnight before going back to her room. I quickly wished her a good night in return and rolled over. A bit confused by my behavior, she kissed me and went back to her room a bit rejected.
 
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Posted on February 9, 2005.
Copyright 2005, 2001 by the Labyrinth and the United States Naval Academy, http://www.usna.edu. All rights reserved. Unauthorized reproduction or duplication is strictly prohibited. The views expressed on this site are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the views of the US Naval Academy, the Department of Defense, or the US Government.